Saturday, August 4, 2007


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I'm gonna post a little Blog that I think we can all use as an allegory... For our lives.

I decided to carpool to work yesterday, to do my part in saving the environment. Once in the car I said to my friend, "Hey it's kinda hot in here, do you mind if I turn on the air conditioner full blast?" (I had already forgotten about the environment thing). Once I did the entire cabin was filled with the scent of horrible, rancid, cheesy, death!

"Oh god!" "Ugh! Turn it off turn it off." "Bleg roll down a window." We reasoned that maybe it was something on the road. Perhaps someone had run over a skunk or something. It was quite hot so we decided to try again after we had driven a little further. But as soon as the air was on, the nauseating, heavy, odor assaulted us again almost as if it was angry at us for trying to make it go away.

"Something must have climbed up into your undercarriage and died" I said. No one was pleased with the prospect of fishing a dead animal out of the air vent.

Once I got to work I could still smell faint traces of it, I had this ghastly image that tiny particles of rancid animal juice had sprayed out of the vent and gotten in my clothes. I did a few laps around the whole office, trying to air myself out. Once back at my desk I could still smell it, stronger this time- and that's when the horrible realization dawned on me.

On my shoe there was a plumb-sized clump of dog poo. It took me over an hour to question my own bizarre theory's about animals in vents, and check my own damn shoe, which I had tromped around the whole office btw.

I went outside and wiped off the overripe poo, where it was immediately assaulted by a plague of flies. Then went back inside and used a paper towel to get it off my chair and from the underside of my desk. There was a lump half-way up the chair leg.

The morel of the story is probably something about "First thou should'st cast out the dog shit from thine own shoe before thou pluckest out the imaginary raccoon from thy neighbors air vent." But I think I'm gonna change it to "PICK UP AFTER YOUR FUCKING DOG, A-TARDS."

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