Saturday, October 4, 2008

Dungeon Crawl!

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DM: You come to a clearing in the forest; ahead of you see the castle of Jörmung, it is surrounded by a moat. The old ruin is foreboding.

Elf: Hmm, I check around to see if there is any way across the moat.

DM: The moat surrounds the castle completely.

Wizard: Is there a drawbridge?

DM: Yes, it is ancient and rotten.

Wizard: Do I see any way to bring down the drawbridge?

DM: (rolls some dice) …No.

Fighter: Let's Swim across!

Everyone else but DM: NO!

Elf: Have you never played these games before? Jeeze!

Wizard: I say we wait until nightfall, then the elf can use her bow to shoot an arrow with a rope around it in through a window, or something.

General agreement.

Wizard: We all rest until nightfall. Fighter, you stand guard.

Fighter: I still don't see why we just don't swim across…

DM: Night falls in the cursed woods. You hear the distant howling of a wolf.

Fighter: While they are resting... I pee in the moat.

Everyone else but DM: WHAT?! NO! What's wrong with you?

DM: No, you're all resting, remember? You can't stop him.

Fighter: No wait! I mean- I don't pee in the moat!

DM: Too late! A huge water elemental rises from the moat! A swirling vortex of frothing foamy surge rises to its full height and barrels down on you!


DM: (Rolls some dice) Ok Fighter is unconscious and drowning inside the water elemental.

Wizard: Are we awake yet?

DM: Yes, the water elemental is very loud.

Wizard: I cast fireball!

DM: The water elemental roars in pain. Inside the water elemental you can see the unconscious Fighter being scalded by the boiling water.

Wizard: (Sharp inhale through teeth) Sorry.

Elf: (rolls dice) I fire my +3 arrows at it!

DM: You want to fire your bow at the creature, made out of liquid, that has your friend inside?

Elf: umm…

DM: (Rolls dice) One of your arrows hits the scalded, unconscious, fighter.

Elf: (Sharp inhale through teeth) Sorry.

DM: The water elemental surges forward, (Rolls dice). Elf in now engulfed inside the water elemental, next to the bleeding, scalded, unconscious, fighter. The Water elemental turns toward Wizard.

Elf: Blurbble! Blubble!

Wizard: Um, hmm. I have a wand of lightning, no that's no good. A wand of cold…Aha! My wand of teleportation! I zap it at the Water elemental!

DM: With a flash of Mystic energy, the water elemental disappears with your friends still swirling about inside of it.

Wizard: Crap.

Wizard: I zap the wand at myself.

DM: You are mystically transported (rolls dice) Back to the town!

Wizard: Sweet! I head over to the blacksmith's!

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