FunBox taps its foot for Senator Craig.

FunBox is proud to stand with Senator Craig under this barrage of homoerotic accusations. For those of us who know Senator Larry Craig, this is not an issue of sexuality, but rather a condemnation of his use of an extra wide stance in the bathroom. We are confident that his foot was not in the adjacent stall as way to solicit man on man toilet sex, but rather to gain the extra leverage he needed to expel his Bms. If you've ever seen Larry in the Senate commissary, you'll know he doesn't eat enough roughage. It's all beef for Larry. He just gobbles down the sausages. He's even got a nickname. Everyone in the Senate calls him 'The Sausage Gobbler.' Or at least the pages do. Probably cause of an inside joke or something….

a hero for the ages

You guys, have you ever been that person who was so excited to create an awesome superhero that you had to blog about it right away? Well if you had been that person you'd be me right now! Only right now I'm times ten!

I just wanna tell everyone about this way cool super hero whose name is Tigerman! The story's about this normal guy who was just taking his regular normal walk one day through the Rain Forest, and then he was bit by radioactive tigers! And then you know what happened?

He died!

Ha ha, I had you going for a while didn't I? Come on silly, there's no way he could survive those things. He probably shouldn't have been messing with radioactive tigers in the first place.

Sweeter than...

In a brilliant decision no one will regret ever, FunBox has decided to no longer pursue the comedy biz. We are know fully pledged to the world of making candy. It was a whirlwind romance filled with cornstarch molds, extruding, and drying racks. In a very heated vote it was decided that our first effort would be a FunBox candy bar. A secondary vote then determined what kind of candy bar it would, and it was unanimous that it should be the best candy bar ever. Close your eyes and imagine the flavor rush as I describe it (since this is a blog, you will have to find someone to read this part to you while you are savoring imaginary deliciousness).

We start with an unwrapped twix bar, dip it in grade A clover honey, and then roll the whole thing in praline pieces. We then take that and add a fine layer of gummy. The gummy flavors will come in Orange, Lime, Lemon, and Pomegranate. Once that is in place we hide one raisin somewhere in there and maybe a pretzel. Only one in five bars will have the pretzel piece. We then dip that in chocolate, wipe that layer off, and then do it again but this time correctly. The entire bar is stuck on spinning eating accessory that will feature the likeness of either Will, Paul, or Matt. Note: the Matt one will spin a little to fast.

The FunBox candy bar will be available in CVS drugs stores across the nation, but only between the hours of 3 and 4 on Tuesday.

this yesterday

This yesterday, FunBox woke up at 5:30 AM for a film shoot and some of us immediately discovered that we were too tired to want to do a 5:30 AM film shoot.

Willie reminded Paul that: “a few people actually enjoy this time of day,” but Paul was pretty sure that was because they were “either stupid or just murderers.” Matt’s only response was to emit a long string of letter “Z’s,” all of which were capitalized and in a bold font.

The shoot was so early because we needed an to film an ATM, and were deathly afraid of getting into trouble and having to pay a small fine. Small fines are like baby turtles. They grow up, and when they do, things get ugly.

In the end, we got our footage and earned a valuable lesson: when filming in the morning, you can at least wait until the sun comes out. In fact, you kind of have to.

WIN BIG!

HA HA HA Vegas I beat you! I beat you! That’s right America I won $43 at the roulette table last weekend in Vegas!

I know what you’re thinking: how can I, the average American, also quadruple my investments without possessing any marketable skills?

In answer to your query funbox has decided to post this Guide to winning big in Vegas.

First go to Vegas: Tickets can run about $130 if you plan on flying, but if you are willing to spend 16 hours in a car you can shave that down to about $90 in gas for a round trip (a steal with absolutely no downside!) Next you’ll need a hotel. The “Hooters” hotel is surprisingly near the strip and reasonably priced (Funbox only spent about $100 for 2 nights) not only that, it also smells of BBQ wings and Sexism! They even leave a cup of ranch sauce on your pillow!

You can usually score free drinks while gambling. But if you are impatient or ignorant of this fact (I was both!) you can head on down to any of the many bars in walking distance. Drinks can be a bit pricey ($10 a pop plus tips) but the service is world class.

Now it’s time to hit the tables you should do what I did: Win twice at roulette, tip the dealer (ball-spinner?), and nervously cash in your winnings while wondering if this is the start of a dangerous addiction. Then it’s off to dinner ($120) and a show ($250).

Yes average American, you too can make it as a high-stakes gambler.

Transgender

The world has gone Transgender crazy. It started last week when I watched an interesting show about Gender boundaries in different countries with a focus on people who crossed barriers. What was most interesting was the societies who even had a third sex for those who didn't belong in either. This was great. Really interesting. Few days later, same show, same topic, about different people. But it wasn't like it was follow up or in conjunction with the earlier show. Its like if Seinfeild did another show about the soup Nazi but it was a different soup Nazi. Weird. Couple days later I see a commercial for Larry King. He is interviewing a Transgender woman to find out what it like living outside the boundaries of normal sexuality. But what is normal? Am I right Larry?!? Then yesterday on NPR a very special interview with a Transgender sports writer and her 30 year long journey from Michael to Michelle. But I guess the Gay trend was getting a little old and America was Are we on the out break of the transgender craze the likes of which have never been seen. Is transgender eye for the straight girl on the way? Are adorable sitcom gals going to have a transgender best friend/ neighbor who will borrow and then proceed to stretch out their clothes? Who knows, maybe the time will have come for a transgender president. I'm gonna vote for Barakette in '08

Grocery Store ABC

Just to put a challenge forth to you from FunBox.

Go to the grocery store and buy 26 items each starting with a letter from the alphabet and make sure while purchasing to arrange them in the appropriate order along the conveyor belt. As each food item is swiped call out in a clear voice the letter it corresponds to. See if you can get the cashier to join in.

Not only is this educational and fun, it is an awesome reason to purchase zebra cakes.

the great debates of ’08...er ’07 for now i guess

Yesterday we were watching the Republican Debates trying to write jokes about those silly politicians. Holy crap though silly politicians, it sure is hard when you say stuff way eviler than what can even be made up! Representative Tom Tancredo, I'm looking at you the most for this one. That whole thing about defending your idea to get back at terrorists by bombing Mecca? What the Fuck? How could we possibly come up with something even more evil-diculous? Well trust me, we tried.

First it was like "Hey maybe we could say, if too many asteroids come close we'll blow up the moon." It's got a lot going for it. I mean the explosion would probably break the moon up into lots of other angry asteroids ready to strike us despite having wanted to do nothing but be a big ol' glowin' moon beforehand. So that's good. The problem though, is the moon's far away and there's no people on it. I mean it was want to come up with a ridiculous idea, it's got to involve innocent people, not just innocent moons!

Then we were like "Hey, I know, how bout something preemptive" Everyone loves preemptive. And "there's lots of people in Los Angeles what if they attacked Los Angeles?" Since they'd probably have to be a sleeper cell in LA to attack it (like how they did on that show Sleeper Cell) they might live here already. Sleeper Cells get thirsty so Paul suggested we poison the city's water supply. Willie agreed. "It'll kill lots of other people too. Totally ridiculous. Totally evil." Then Matt chimed in saying "if terrorists had bottled water they might not need to get thirsty." Damn! "Or camels," Paul further added. Because he seemed to recall that "most terrorists carry their water in camels, which seems like a fact that would make them easier to spot but instead nope." So that plan was off.

We sat around tossing more ideas, but no one really knew where to get a Death Star, and then the conversation just degraded to us taking turns suggesting we "wreak havoc," with any noun we thought of and then then word "diabolical" placed in front of it. We didn't know most of the things would work though so that was a problem. I mean, "diabolical magnets," and "diabolical oatmeal," sounded pretty darn evil, but their uses were unclear.

Anyway, we gave up on being more evil than the republicans and instead helped write some youtube shorts that'll start airing in a day or so. We'll let you know when they're up. In the meantime, have a good one America, and stay diabolical!

Allegory

I'm gonna post a little Blog that I think we can all use as an allegory... For our lives.

I decided to carpool to work yesterday, to do my part in saving the environment. Once in the car I said to my friend, "Hey it's kinda hot in here, do you mind if I turn on the air conditioner full blast?" (I had already forgotten about the environment thing). Once I did the entire cabin was filled with the scent of horrible, rancid, cheesy, death!

"Oh god!" "Ugh! Turn it off turn it off." "Bleg roll down a window." We reasoned that maybe it was something on the road. Perhaps someone had run over a skunk or something. It was quite hot so we decided to try again after we had driven a little further. But as soon as the air was on, the nauseating, heavy, odor assaulted us again almost as if it was angry at us for trying to make it go away.

"Something must have climbed up into your undercarriage and died" I said. No one was pleased with the prospect of fishing a dead animal out of the air vent.

Once I got to work I could still smell faint traces of it, I had this ghastly image that tiny particles of rancid animal juice had sprayed out of the vent and gotten in my clothes. I did a few laps around the whole office, trying to air myself out. Once back at my desk I could still smell it, stronger this time- and that's when the horrible realization dawned on me.

On my shoe there was a plumb-sized clump of dog poo. It took me over an hour to question my own bizarre theory's about animals in vents, and check my own damn shoe, which I had tromped around the whole office btw.

I went outside and wiped off the overripe poo, where it was immediately assaulted by a plague of flies. Then went back inside and used a paper towel to get it off my chair and from the underside of my desk. There was a lump half-way up the chair leg.

The morel of the story is probably something about "First thou should'st cast out the dog shit from thine own shoe before thou pluckest out the imaginary raccoon from thy neighbors air vent." But I think I'm gonna change it to "PICK UP AFTER YOUR FUCKING DOG, A-TARDS."

Boldly Going...

Now some of you loyal FunBox fans out there may have noticed the brief dry spell when it came to new content, but I would like to officially declare that you should ready your self for a veritable downpour of comedy. You are going to be soaked with laughs. Why the brief hiatus you might ask? (Might? Who are we kidding. You will ask!) Well to be honest, we here at FunBox have been working on saving the northwest Pacific otter . These monkeys of the Sea captured our hearts and so we dedicated ourselves to doing everything in our power to help them. With a couple grants from the Consumer Aersol Products Council we started an otter breeding program in our downstairs bathroom. After a lot of work, and some elbow grease (not to mention a couple bottles of otter grease) we managed to make some otters do it. Unfortunately, the otters were just not at a stage in their life when they were ready to have kids. It was a tough decision on their part but I support them. Also we filmed a couple of comedy shorts. They will be out soon.
With much love,
FunBox