Office troubles

Every office has that one co-worker who is an absolute dick. In Funbox's office our dick jokes around constantly, and his jokes are always at the expense of interns and other underlings, and always along the lines of “you are incompetent and will be fired soon.” When you work in an industry like I do, where such things are a real possibility, it’s rather cruel perpetually tell underlings that they might not make this months rent.

That’s why I'm grooming one of the interns to kill him.

It starts simply enough. A few jokes by the water cooler, a shared commiseration that we have to spend 10 hour days cooped up with this asshole, and of course a steady supply of fruit snacks to reward any thought that leans in a murderous direction. The groundwork thus laid, I then began a series of casual IM’s that I would send whenever the offender was yelling at the intern. He would try to hide his smiles when “FUNB0xx1: What a Dickhole!” poped up on his desktop while the oblivious red-faced ass-munch screamed away. After that, it was simple, almost too simple. I just slowly increased the frequency and intensity of the IM’s. Now the IM's are more like “FUNB0xx1: Soon he’ll be dead, and we will consummate our love. Soon my angel… soon.”

Every now and then he will express reluctance “InTERnGuy1444: What about an office prank instead of, you know, first degree murder.” But I just ease his mind with more fruit snacks.