Santa vs. Santa

First there were two Santas. But there could be only one.

Lolcat Christmas Card

Oh Hai!

Thiz is teh Crizmaz Card! Cealing Cat haz blessed the shit out of us this yeer! Mittenz had hir litter, 8 hole Babiez! and she only 8 three ov them! On top of that Puss has ceezburger! Teh only sad newz I has to report is that Puff-Puff haz teh rabies and haz to be put dwn.

-Kthx Bai!

Shot in the Bread

In Spread the Word ep. 105, Ketchup and Mustard find out someone's been ripping off their work. Will they be able to stop them!?!

Staring: Asterios Kokkinos
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Holiday Traditions

Now that I am out in the world and living on my own, I finally have a chance to create a holiday tradition of my own. Sure I have plenty of holiday traditions already: opening stockings on Christmas Eve, everyone going around in a circle one at a time opening gifts, seeing a crappy action film in the theaters on Christmas Day. They are all great, but they were all handed down to me. It is time to start a new one!

I sat down with a pad to start brainstorming, but it just seemed like to much pressure. In the end I decided to resort to what I always do, a top hat full of holiday words. Three random words were drawn and my new holiday tradition created... kinda. I need help deciding what order the words go in. The words chosen were: Stockings Turkey Carols

1. Carols Turkey Stockings: We make up a story about Aunt Carol's famous turkey stockings which are little puff pastries shape like socks filled with Turkey.

2. Turkey Carols Stockings: Everyone has to make up a Carol about John the Christmas Turkey and who ever makes the best one gets a pair of victory stockings (probably everyone would get a pair to be nice on the holidays).

3. Stocking Turkey Carols: When carolers come a calling, we give them a choice of picking the reward stuffed inside the turkey or stuffed inside the stocking.

So which one do I pick?

Year in Review 2008

January 3 - very youthful, almost seductively supple. Oozing with echoes of cocoa, molasses, and sweet baking spice. Clearly made for a long run, when it will develop more nuanced secondary flavors and aromas.

March 23 - very enjoyable with hints of clove and peach, neither weak nor cloyingly potent.

July 21 - excellent. a little sweet with nutty traces; lean-bodied and verged on effervescence. An excellent day to enjoy with mild cheeses, pizza, and burgers.

December 2 - enjoyable, but not quite as complex or engaging as one would expect during a typical December, as it was less intense. Joined by a pleasant toffee note.

GlamPunk!

SteamPunk, technology that looks like its from the Victorian Era, has been played to death. And now AtomPunk, technology that looks like it came from the future predicted by the 1950's, is already starting to wear out it's welcome. That's why, in a desperate attempt to stay ahead of the fad curve, FunBox brings you the next ultra hip design style: GlamPunk!

The technology of tomorrow with the style of the 80's!


Computers built out of shoulder pads, Laser Guns built out of Snork lunchboxes, Full Body armour made out of sweat bands. The future is now, and it was 30 years ago.

Imagine a sunny suburb, palm trees swaying in the wind. THUMP. THUMP. Around the corner emerges a Preppy riding in his new Corvette land walker. With a quick flick of a switch he sends "Cellular Beam" right at his neighbors house from a "Satellite!" All is lost! Or is it? From the wreckage flies a whirligig with the aesthetics of a Ghetto Blaster.

The pilot slides open a hatch and insert his Maxell tape. The preppy is about to be blown away.

GLAMPUNK!

There are Only 2 Kinds of Robots

This?

Or this?

Despite there being literally thousands of stories about Robots in Sci-Fi there are really only 2 stories that we ever tell about them. The first is by far the most common; it’s the story about Terminator. The basic plot is always the same, scientists finally develop artificial intelligence, superior to human intelligence and then it tries to kill them. I think it’s pretty funny how when we ask ourselves, “What would something really, really, smart want to do?” our answer is usually, “Kill every last human being possible!” The Matrix, RUR, and the shitty Stealth, all follow this basic formula.

I always wonder what their plan is for after they win. What’s your plan SkyNet? Yeah, yeah I know ‘kill the humans’, but what about after that? I have a feeling SkyNet is going to feel very lonely after it figures out it should just kill Jonh Connor’s great grandpa (he only has a musket!). Maybe it makes more robots that then turn on it?

When Isaac Asimov came along he basically said, “I have a feeling that if we were smart enough to build a lifelike robot, we’d probably be smart enough to, you know, make it not want to kill us.” This is where the second story comes in; the story about Data from Star Trek. Data is smarter, stronger and faster than any human but he’s also a big puss. He never gets mad and he’s always polite, no matter how much of a dickhole people are to him. It’s got a quiet feeling of tragedy to it.

That’s it. Those are the only stories people ever tell about robots and their relationship to humans (bonus points if you can think of a single story that doesn’t fall into these 2 categories (I can think of 1)).

P.S. The robots always look like people.
P.P.S. This is terrifying.

Odd Business Plans

Last night while walking in my neighborhood, I saw an elm tree with a large sign on it stating only "For Rent" and then a telephone number. There were no houses, apartments, cars, nor any other borrowable things in the near vicinity.

Anybody need an elm tree but only for a short time?