INTERNET POSTCARD #3

Zion National Park/Bryce Canyon

There sure are a lot of warning signs in national parks. Why shouldn't you climb out onto the cliffs? “Last year a man fell to his death when he climbed onto an outcropping for a picture.” Is it important to keep drinking water because we're in the dessert? “4 months ago a jogger in the canyon died from heat prostration because he didn't drink enough water.” Why shouldn't you feed the animals? “A five year old child was kicked to death by a deer wen he refused to relinquish his sandwich.” “Later the deer had to be shot.” I'm not embellishing these signs, here's one about flash floods. “Anyone caught in this would quickly be battered to death against the rocks. YOU CANNOT SURVIVE THE TORRENT!”

I think I might be detecting a slight pattern here.

What's funny to me is the arms race between the park service and assholes. “Don't feed the animals.” Wasn't good enough, they had to upgrade to, again not kidding, “Ground squirrels have fleas that may carry bubonic plague” There's also an Orwellian civilian spy program in full swing, “$100 Fine for Feeding Animals- Report Violators”

It's only a matter of time before rangers, disguised as plainclothes chipmunks, approach hikers and beg them for peanuts. I always ask Coyotes, “You're not a cop right? You know you have to tell me if you are?”