Make Yourself Sexy

Valentine’s Day is coming up soon (or President’s Day for you atheists out there), and as such, the question on everyone’s mind should be how do I make myself sexier? Here are five simple things to do that will drive your partner wild with passion this Valentine’s Day (President’s Day).

1. Show them your genitals. Nothing gets people in the mood faster than seeing genitals. To make this even more special, try covering them with a sheet or towel and then after a little while removing the sheet or towel.

2. Grab yourself. Grabbing parts of your body is a great way to show your lover where you want to be touched. While holding a handful of yourself try saying something sexy like, “You want this don’t you?” This can be changed up by grabbing parts of your partner’s body and yelling, “This is mine!”

3. Tell them you are sexy. Make sure the person you are with knows how sexy and confident you are by telling them. Whisper into their ear, “I am so sexy.” This will get them thinking about how sexy you are.

4. Stretch it out. There are sexy parts of your body that you probably never think of. Use this Valentine’s Day (President’s Day) to show them off. Lay down on a bed and spread yourself out as much as possible. Call your lover in and watch their eyes light up as they view this all new you.

5. Clothespins and Rubber Bands. Each year that goes by makes us another year older. We all could use a little help when it comes to aging. Fix problem spots in a jiffy by using clothespins and rubber bands to hold back excess flesh. Soon you’ll look as young and tight as the day your significant other met you. Maybe tighter!